My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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