The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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