put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
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when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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