remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
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You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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