direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
