I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
