I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
