covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
