It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
