i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
