i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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