I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
