life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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