Your face is a jimmy john
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
