All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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