i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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