Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
