I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
