Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
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It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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