The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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