You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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