Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my shit smells like andre
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
