you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
