I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
barbara walters just said penis...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
time to smoke my breakfast
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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