i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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