In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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