I'm so fucking centered right now
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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