i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
