I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
