Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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