Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
