Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
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I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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