Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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