Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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