So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
