I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
