wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
