Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
