Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
