I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
