Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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