I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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