Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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