I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
