I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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