there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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