I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
