Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
