your parents love me but you hate me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
