I wanna passion pit in your ass
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
