Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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