I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
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Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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