we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Found your dick twin last night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
