apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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