I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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