I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
