so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
