Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
