so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We left the knife in your bed.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
