So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
