u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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