we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize