how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
