this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
