2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
