when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
