ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
